Holidays are always rough when family or friends are no longer with us. My first experience was when I was 11 when my grandmother passed on Thanksgiving day. That was rough on me but nothing that’d come later in life. Other family passed including my dad in my 20s that hit me harder afterwards because we weren’t that close. We had no “normal” holidays after that.
As a family we became further apart except for my mom and middle brother. I am the youngest of three brothers. As holidays went on it was mainly the three of us. In 2008, I lost a close childhood friend and realized that I’m now what I used to consider old in my early 40s. About one month later my middle brother unexpectedly passed away that devastated me. We were five years apart but couldn’t be closer. This one kills me the most, still today, he was the best brother anyone could ask for. About two months later I was laid off from my job of 17 years right before my birthday. Things were going from bad to worse in my life.
Five months later my mom passed away in early 2009. I can’t remember if I started to get professional help with depression before or after this. In retrospect, I took away some positive after getting laid off, that I was being able to spend more time with my mom before her passing. I was the only one left among the main three. My oldest brother that was seven years older passed away in 2012. The thing that was really messed up about this, I didn’t even hear about it until six months afterwards. I still haven’t seen my sister-in-law, nieces, and nephews since. I’m hoping one of these days I will, sooner not later. I am thankful for new friends as well as old. Time does partially heal the heart but the memories and love will always remain, especially during the holidays.
Colorless Noise 