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Past and Future

I need to remember this is quote every day. When I don’t, it causes most of my depression and anxiety. There is so much pain and misery in my past that it is very hard not to be occupied by these thoughts.

Then I just need to remember, I am still here and survived. There’s got to be a reason why. I think the reason (s) why are still coming to me but they are starting to become more in focus.

So that leaves me worrying about the future making my anxiety go out of control at times. No one knows even if we will actually be alive tomorrow. Why do we even think anything we worry about can even be changed?

Living in the past or future just takes our happiness away from now (today). I have proven I am strong, of course I’m still struggling at times, but I am still here. I am now! I am going to live my best life moving forward.

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Die Another Day

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Living with chronic pain is not a way you want to wake up everyday.  Some days are better but most are grueling, painful days that make it a challenge just to get out of bed.  There are times I hurt so bad that I cry just moving to try to get out of bed.  The chronic pain is a symptom causing my depression and makes it an endless circle of hurt, pain, and darkness.  

Last Thursday night I slipped and fell causing my toes to hyperextend and tear the skin requiring stitches.  This is the main reason I haven’t written in a few daystrying to recover.  It was very painful and even the ER doctor said he has seen this numerous times and hopes he never gets it because it is so painful.  So when you add this to the normal aches and pains can make you have a miserable day, no matter how well it might of been going.  Just today, I was dragging a box across the floor…walking backwards towards the couch.  This was such a big mistake!  I hit the end of the rug in front of the couch and went flying backwards right on my back.  I still am not sure if I hit my head on the floor or not but don’t think so.  I’m resting with my good friend, the heating pad on my back as I write this. 

Is chronic pain manageable?  Like I said earlier some days are better than others.  Pain management is a must from your doctor as well as seeing a psychologist and/or therapist.  I do this and try to accept my challenges to get on with life but on the bad days is like to die another day.