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I’m Sorry

I’m sorry, I’m broken…All of these are how I felt most of my life.  Growing up, I was never good enough for anyone, including myself.  Adding to everything else was anxiety, depression, and shyness.  I never had a “good” relationship.  I also went through a suicidal phase but never wanted to discuss that with anyone until I went through therapy.

Therapy and medication can only do so much.  You have to want to get better as well.  My psychiatrist at the time was like a mad scientist.  I tried so many antidepressants and other meds that just drugged me up and if anything helped minimally.  I was able to get quite a few medications put on my allergic list that caused major complications. 

I get started writing a new blog topic and then forget what I was trying to even say.  The main topic was going to be that I feel I’m not good in anything.  My writing style, grammar, punctuation, paragraphs, hopefully not any typos but maybe words changed by auto-correct, and even topics may not be very good.  I try to write topics that I have gone through and use a lot of inspirational quotes to help keep me going. 

They say that you can’t love anyone until you learn to love yourself.  I, for one, do not believe that at all.  Maybe because I’m an empath.  Empathy will be a topic at another time though. 

I wanted to turn my story into something positive but it took me to my mid 50s to get to a good place in my life.  I truly hope it doesn’t take as long for others.  Please don’t let any of these issues make you give up on life.  I am proof, life does get better.  I did have some very short term periods of happiness in my life prior, but never consistent.  My story is not over yet but I honestly feel that the best years of my life are still yet to come.  Please stay positive!

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One of my biggest regrets in life is not learning more when I was younger. I always had a hard time reading and paying attention. I felt different my entire life and really didn’t understand until my ADD was diagnosed in my forties. Everything seemed harder for me.

Now, that I understand myself more, it’s not something I could do easily with my chronic pain and other ailments. I would have loved to get a Bachelor’s or even a Master’s degree but even if I could do physically and mentally, I can’t do financially now

There’s plenty of free learning sites on the Internet I may look into further in the future but right now I’m enjoying little things I find new in every day.

During the past few years I’ve come across distant cousins and friends from around the world. I love finding out new things from them. A few more interesting countries where I have met others have been Iran, Indonesia, Philippines, France, Germany, UK, Australia, New Zealand, and Norway. I can’t mention them all but I have learned so much from them.

I even feel younger learning more every day. So go and find something new to learn today, I think your mind will thank you for it later.