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Posted in Posts


This July 4th there is a lot to celebrate being the 245th birthday of our nation. There is so much to be thankful for in America and I will not go into that in this post. I want to remember all my loved ones that are gone like I do on every holiday. I’ve been through a lot of loss and the only member of my immediate family left. I used to be sad and depressed on holidays and never looked forward to them. That has changed this year for me.

I am thankful for my new family and future I’ll be starting soon with the person I love. What better way to move forward is by remembering all the good things I loved most about the people who are gone. I’ll try to be happy carrying on all their good that I remember.

My closest brother Paul was my best friend and was the most kind and caring man I ever knew. I think I already have that characteristic and will continue. My brother Mark was a go getter and did whatever he had to do to live a life on his own and support his family. I know what I want in life now and will do my best to make it happen to start my new family. My parents did what they needed to do to support their children and stayed together through good and bad. Being disabled, I am limited to what I can do but I will fight and promise to love my wife and be faithful through any issues that may arise and support her any way I can. My grandparents were very loving and I definitely have that trait. I will definitely honor them by showing love and kindness.

“The Remembrance of the good done those we have loved is the only consolation when we have lost them.” (Demoustier). Of course they will remain in my heart forever and it’s easy to remember the happy times instead of the sad. When I’m gone, I hope I’ll be remembered for everything I have and will show to my family.

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Holidays are always rough when family or friends are no longer with us. My first experience was when I was 11 when my grandmother passed on Thanksgiving day. That was rough on me but nothing that’d come later in life. Other family passed including my dad in my 20s that hit me harder afterwards because we weren’t that close. We had no “normal” holidays after that.

As a family we became further apart except for my mom and middle brother. I am the youngest of three brothers. As holidays went on it was mainly the three of us. In 2008, I lost a close childhood friend and realized that I’m now what I used to consider old in my early 40s. About one month later my middle brother unexpectedly passed away that devastated me. We were five years apart but couldn’t be closer. This one kills me the most, still today, he was the best brother anyone could ask for. About two months later I was laid off from my job of 17 years right before my birthday. Things were going from bad to worse in my life.

Five months later my mom passed away in early 2009. I can’t remember if I started to get professional help with depression before or after this. In retrospect, I took away some positive after getting laid off, that I was being able to spend more time with my mom before her passing. I was the only one left among the main three. My oldest brother that was seven years older passed away in 2012. The thing that was really messed up about this, I didn’t even hear about it until six months afterwards. I still haven’t seen my sister-in-law, nieces, and nephews since. I’m hoping one of these days I will, sooner not later.  I am thankful for new friends as well as old. Time does partially heal the heart but the memories and love will always remain, especially during the holidays.