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The Darkest Hour

This is a good reminder for individuals suffering with anxiety, depression, or pain. We need to keep holding on and things will improve. Nothing happens instantly overnight but no matter how dark you feel life is at this very moment, it honestly does get better.

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Ask for Help

I used to keep everything to myself and it almost killed me. No one knew how much pain I was in and they would have been surprised to find out if I was found dead. I kept a smile whenever I was with others.

I thought I had no one to confide in or anyone that would care. I was wrong. I did try family but I only let them know a little how bad I actually was. Would they have helped me? I don’t know. Is it worth never finding out and killing yourself? Did I have any friends I could talk to? Well, I had one and we were both in a bad place at the time. I finally broke down and told my primary doctor. I don’t know why I was so scared to tell him. He gave me a referral to a therapist and I sought further help.

That saved my life. I don’t think I could’ve made it not for seeking help and put on anti-depression meds along with therapy. I couldn’t afford my co-pays to keep going so it was a long struggle to improve. Between the years of 2007-2013 were the worst years of my life. But you know what? Life does get better!

There is always someone that is willing to help. Try family, friends, your neighbor, your teacher, your doctor, or even calling a suicide prevention number in your area. Never feel like you are all alone. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. So don’t be shy about asking for help. It doesn’t mean you are weak, it only means you are wise.

Please remember to always help someone in need. You may be the only one that does and can save their life. Be kind, always.

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ADHD is Real


I’ve suffered with ADHD my entire life and was not diagnosed until my forties. It explained a lot of how frustrating life was to me growing up and still is. I get distracted by a pin drop a mile away and have all the symptoms in the above graphic. It kept me from writing for about 2 years now in this blog. I completely forgot about it and apologize to anyone who wrote comments to old posts without any response from me. Things have continue to be rough for me but have pretty much conquered my major depression.

It was a rough 7 years of hell for me. I haven’t taken any prescription drugs for a year now for depression. I didn’t plan it that way but just couldn’t afford them anymore. I was on so may different meds, I can’t even remember most of them besides the last one Brintellix that worked the best for me until I had to stop. They say that meds only work so much, well they are right for prescription drugs for me…the best was maybe 50% if that. My one good friend sent me some information about natural supplements that worked along with information about studies how well it worked. I looked them up and were reasonably priced (under $10 on the online vitamin shops) and tried them. It took a few weeks but since about October last year I felt better than I had in many years.

I wanted to start a new blog under a different name and bought a web address but still haven’t got it up. It’s I think the name symbolizes mental illness to me. It can affect anyone and is very distracting for you and others in your life. I’m going to try to get that up and running soon and may not return to this blog or set it up to copy posts back to this one. I want to concentrate on more positive than negative issues and will not be political correct. I love this Accepting Reality name too and had a website with that name too but couldn’t afford to keep it up.

Wow, I’m so scattered on writing and almost forgot about the main reason I started writing this post about ADHD and mental illness. There has been a lot of news the past few years about individuals suffering with mental illness and using guns to kill other people. I don’t think it’s an illness that does that, or at least in my case with major depression. I only wanted to kill myself, not anyone else. Not sorry I didn’t put Trigger Warning for that but don’t get me started on political correctness (this post is about mental illness, duh…). I think they are just using that excuse for our sorry state of the court system. It just makes the stigma worse for people who actually have mental illness and end up not to get help.

Besides stigma, there is other reasons why people don’t seek help or continue to get help. Money was the main reason for me. I couldn’t afford my co-pays for psychiatric, therapists, and prescription medicines. Money management is bad for most with mental illness and very bad for me. If our government is so concerned about mental illness they should make insurance companies provide mental help assistance for free as well as medicine to treat the illness. Their may be services that offer free assistance but I never found them and if I did, probably wouldn’t qualify for assistance (same thing for my prescriptions). Well, I have a bad headache from my blood pressure meds and can’t get one to work without any side effects so I think I’m done ranting for today.

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Die Another Day

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Living with chronic pain is not a way you want to wake up everyday.  Some days are better but most are grueling, painful days that make it a challenge just to get out of bed.  There are times I hurt so bad that I cry just moving to try to get out of bed.  The chronic pain is a symptom causing my depression and makes it an endless circle of hurt, pain, and darkness.  

Last Thursday night I slipped and fell causing my toes to hyperextend and tear the skin requiring stitches.  This is the main reason I haven’t written in a few daystrying to recover.  It was very painful and even the ER doctor said he has seen this numerous times and hopes he never gets it because it is so painful.  So when you add this to the normal aches and pains can make you have a miserable day, no matter how well it might of been going.  Just today, I was dragging a box across the floor…walking backwards towards the couch.  This was such a big mistake!  I hit the end of the rug in front of the couch and went flying backwards right on my back.  I still am not sure if I hit my head on the floor or not but don’t think so.  I’m resting with my good friend, the heating pad on my back as I write this. 

Is chronic pain manageable?  Like I said earlier some days are better than others.  Pain management is a must from your doctor as well as seeing a psychologist and/or therapist.  I do this and try to accept my challenges to get on with life but on the bad days is like to die another day.

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Communication is Key


Communication is key to anything we do in life.  We can talk about other people, what we did last night, or what are plans are for the weekend but not about how we actually feel and how much pain we may be in.

I’m 46 and learned earlier this year I have ADHD.  If I opened up about how hard it is for me to focus, I may of been able to get help earlier and did better in school. I never knew growing up, that not all people shared the same problems because it just wasn’t something you shared with others back in the day.  Maybe it’s more of a guy thing and it’s harder for us to ask for help?

Another struggle I’m facing is major depression that dates back at least 15 or more years. I knew I needed help but this was the hardest subject to bring up to my doctor.  After two failed attempts at taking my life, I decided it was time because maybe after all, there is a plan for me.  That day at the doctors office, I was so scared.  To top it off, the doctor had a student intern in with him that day but I decided I wasn’t going to chicken out no matter what.  I told the doctor what I was going through and couldn’t keep the tears from falling.  He asked many questions and then prescribed some medicine to help.

Chronic pain was easier to bring up to my doctor than my depression but still was hard.  I was thinking, maybe the doctor will think all I want is drugs to get high on or something and won’t believe me.  I have had x-rays and mri’s to confirm the pain, so that made me feel better that there is proof that I need the medicine instead of it all being in my head.

There is no shame to asking for help, no matter what your problem may be.  There is no quick fix to any problem but there are people who will take time to listen and help.  I’m still going through so many struggles and need to keep communicating so I can get the best help available to my problems.  If you are scared to get help, start by writing in a private journal to keep track of issues you are facing.  This will help later on when you decide to get additional help.  Just remember, the sooner you do seek help, the sooner you can be on the road to recovery.