Posts – Colorless Noise

How many people are upset in their lives because they are caught up with things or people they can’t change? Holding on to issues that I can’t change is one of my worst, if not worst, problems that is detrimental to my health. Mentally, I’m a mess and need to make changes. It is hard because I worry to much. I’m comfortable right now, even though I’m miserable, worried, and scared. If I do move on, will things improve or get worse? If they improve, I’m scared and if they don’t, I’m scared. If things do get worse then it may push me over the cliff mentally. Life is full of hard choices and keeping things the same because I’m miserable and comfortable is no excuse to not change. I’m praying I can make the hard choices that I’m holding on to sooner than later.

Living with chronic pain is not a way you want to wake up everyday. Some days are better but most are grueling, painful days that make it a challenge just to get out of bed. There are times I hurt so bad that I cry just moving to try to get out of bed. The chronic pain is a symptom causing my depression and makes it an endless circle of hurt, pain, and darkness.

Last Thursday night I slipped and fell causing my toes to hyperextend and tear the skin requiring stitches. This is the main reason I haven’t written in a few daystrying to recover. It was very painful and even the ER doctor said he has seen this numerous times and hopes he never gets it because it is so painful. So when you add this to the normal aches and pains can make you have a miserable day, no matter how well it might of been going. Just today, I was dragging a box across the floor…walking backwards towards the couch. This was such a big mistake! I hit the end of the rug in front of the couch and went flying backwards right on my back. I still am not sure if I hit my head on the floor or not but don’t think so. I’m resting with my good friend, the heating pad on my back as I write this.

Is chronic pain manageable? Like I said earlier some days are better than others. Pain management is a must from your doctor as well as seeing a psychologist and/or therapist. I do this and try to accept my challenges to get on with life but on the bad days is like to die another day.