Posted in Posts

I’m Sorry

I’m sorry, I’m broken…All of these are how I felt most of my life.  Growing up, I was never good enough for anyone, including myself.  Adding to everything else was anxiety, depression, and shyness.  I never had a “good” relationship.  I also went through a suicidal phase but never wanted to discuss that with anyone until I went through therapy.

Therapy and medication can only do so much.  You have to want to get better as well.  My psychiatrist at the time was like a mad scientist.  I tried so many antidepressants and other meds that just drugged me up and if anything helped minimally.  I was able to get quite a few medications put on my allergic list that caused major complications. 

I get started writing a new blog topic and then forget what I was trying to even say.  The main topic was going to be that I feel I’m not good in anything.  My writing style, grammar, punctuation, paragraphs, hopefully not any typos but maybe words changed by auto-correct, and even topics may not be very good.  I try to write topics that I have gone through and use a lot of inspirational quotes to help keep me going. 

They say that you can’t love anyone until you learn to love yourself.  I, for one, do not believe that at all.  Maybe because I’m an empath.  Empathy will be a topic at another time though.  Back to my depressed life.  A little more than 2 years ago, I met the love of my life online.  She has completely changed my life for the better.  I have never been this happy for this long of a period in my entire life.  We both truly love each other unconditionally.

I wanted to turn my story into something positive but it took me to my mid 50s to get to a good place in my life.  I truly hope it doesn’t take as long for others.  Please don’t let any of these issues make you give up on life.  I am proof, life does get better.  I did have some very short term periods of happiness in my life prior, but never consistent.  My story is not over yet but I honestly feel that the best years of my life are still yet to come.  Please stay positive!

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Posted in Posts

Ask for Help

I used to keep everything to myself and it almost killed me. No one knew how much pain I was in and they would have been surprised to find out if I was found dead. I kept a smile whenever I was with others.

I thought I had no one to confide in or anyone that would care. I was wrong. I did try family but I only let them know a little how bad I actually was. Would they have helped me? I don’t know. Is it worth never finding out and killing yourself? Did I have any friends I could talk to? Well, I had one and we were both in a bad place at the time. I finally broke down and told my primary doctor. I don’t know why I was so scared to tell him. He gave me a referral to a therapist and I sought further help.

That saved my life. I don’t think I could’ve made it not for seeking help and put on anti-depression meds along with therapy. I couldn’t afford my co-pays to keep going so it was a long struggle to improve. Between the years of 2007-2013 were the worst years of my life. But you know what? Life does get better!

There is always someone that is willing to help. Try family, friends, your neighbor, your teacher, your doctor, or even calling a suicide prevention number in your area. Never feel like you are all alone. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. So don’t be shy about asking for help. It doesn’t mean you are weak, it only means you are wise.

Please remember to always help someone in need. You may be the only one that does and can save their life. Be kind, always.